The Book of Joshua P!!

I can’t sleep, and I’m physically really tired. Something happened this evening, and I can’t get it out of my head…. I guess I should have seen a moment like this coming, but, really, I had no way of expecting this.

Sam and I went to dinner with my folks this evening, to celebrate my mom’s birthday. It was a damn fine meal, however, not the most poignant event to happen for me in that little restaurant.

As the restaurant was filling, a large group of about 10 people sat in my line of vision. Well enough to do, obviously local to the Puget Sound area, but neither remarkable nor in any way unbecoming… except for one amazing individual among them.

Our eyes met failry solidly for what could not have been more than a few minutes, probably only about one and, for however long it was, the whole world consisted of only me and him. I know now the meaning of the term, "love at first sight." He was one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen in my life, and he could see right into my soul. There was no hiding from this perfect, cooing, approximately 6 month old diaper wearing little gentleman; he’d quite intentionally turned himself in his (somewhat perplexed, apparently) mother’s arms to better look me in the eye and deliver his message.

The look in his eyes said, "You’ve been waiting for me. You’ve been looking for me. I am above and beyond anything you have ever had. I am your future."

<u>Wow.</u> For years, probably since I was a teen, I’ve talked of my "paternal instinct", for want of a better term, but I wasn’t expecting something like this. It’s the difference between the warm breeze of a daydream and the powerful, knock you off your feet strength of genuine epiphany coming face to face with me. Since when is this supposed to happen to men in terms of anything other than when we aren’t building or destroying stuff? Since when do we feel this way about nurturing and sharing as well as carving wide swaths of forceful, engineered creation in the world?

Since when does this revolution happen on such an internal level?

There’s a scene in Grosse Pointe Blank where John Cusack makes eye contact for just a second with a similar creature of destiny, however, I can’t help feeling that this was something more than that. He simply found the value of a life. I’ve found the profound need for something more than that in my own life, a need to raise, and care for, and nurture, and love as only a father can.