“all I want for Christmas…”
I got ‘em, thanks to you folks! My two front teeth are back intact (well, actually they’re partially fake, but that’s OK)… thank you especially to my brother, Sam, for being so gracious to Paypal me the money to get my teeth done. I’ll try to get this cost reimbursed as well in addition to everything else thus far so we can make Antiviolence a 100% donation to the NCVC. I go in tomorrow afternoon for more X-rays at the USC dental clinic…
<tangent> Talk about bizarre… the student assigned to do my teeth, his first name is Samuel, and his middle name is Joshua. </tangent>
I’d like to say a quick "what’s up" to DJ Hellraver of Terrorfakt, and I want to directly thank you for all your effort in the early formation of Antiviolence. As time progresses, I will try to keep in mind that much, if not all of the success of this endeavor owes responsibility to your willingness to put forth your time and knowledge for a stranger. I hope to get to pay back the kindness, and to help you in any way I can with your goals. I really enjoyed your show this past Saturday night (I wish I could have stayed to the end, but I had to get to other clubs that volunteered their flier kids to flier for Antiviolence). On that note, thanks also to Jason for mixing in the fliers with the stacks Saturday night! I’ll be sure to hit you up again sometime soon.
aaaah…. Saturday night… It was a great time, and really nice to see so many old friends there. Thanks for driving me Eric; I’m positive that a V8 powered Audi is just the thing to cheer me up! But really, I had soooo much apprehension just about being in public in general. I’m amazed I dealt as well as I did and didn’t freak out. It was my first night "out" without Molly, but luckily I always had a friend somewhere in sight…. the mental toll my assault has taken on me affects me in such strange ways. I really hope that I can truly function "alone" soon. It’d be nice to be able to go to unfamiliar places and not have heart palpitations. I don’t like this. I don’t like being afraid so often. I never had this fear in my heart before this happened… I had ignorance and naivete and what I suppose was a feeling of freedom.
Not anymore.
If I am somewhere strange alone even during the day, my heart starts racing. I can’t even imagine trying to go somewhere new entirely alone after dark. I doubt that will ever happen. At least no one is razzing me about my decision not to drink since the assault, though you never quite realize how much a part alcohol is of socializing until it becomes vitally important to your sanity that you maintain 110% alertness at all times. I’m not anti-alcohol, because then I’m disenfranchising people needlessly and just opening up more personal politics to scrutiny… The simple reality is that I’m just really scared to give anyone something that makes me more their target, as would anyone who’s been profiled in some manner and then had unfair odds set against them or outright victimization…
To all the dicks who think I should "learn karate before the next time"… your words have had some effect, pat yourself on the back. Your violent society is slowly terrorizing the individual and stripping away our feelings of safety and freedom. Terrorism in your own backyard, if you like to think of it that way.
Anyone recall a phrase, "Not in my backyard (the Nimby Syndrome)", or "namby pamby"? Somewhere in my spazzing there, I just found out they’re not really the same thing, but the both have a knack for being understood in my heart and pissing me off at the same time. Who knew?
Damn it’s late, and "I was just gettin’ to the good stuff"… G’nite, rotting beef carcasses and non-canadians.
