The Book of Joshua P!!

Sorry, it’s been so long since I’ve posted, I’ve been far more introspective than usual lately. That being said, if this is less coherent than other posts (uhh, yeah, Josh, since you always make so much sense!) bear with me. I’ll get to a "business side of things" post later today if I can.

It’s so odd, this looming weight of "it’s never over" that doesn’t seem to serve much good other that to make me feel like more of a victim. I don’t want to be a "victim"; I don’t want to be some statistic, something you pity, some socio-political cause to be bandied about between the left wing "free for alls" and the right wing "storm troopers". I want to be an individual, and I want to be in the middle of it all, making decisions based upon my own intellect. I guess that’s why it’s so important I close that gap between being "that guy that horrible thing happened to" and "my friend Joshua… oh, he’s doing a LOT better now!"
…it’s a lot more fulfilling to be a real element to the equation and not just a variable… and, yeah, I like doing a GIS for odd, sometimes relevant terms and linking to a result.

So… it’s not over; not by a long shot. 

• I can’t make it to the gym… it’s been almost 2 months now, so that’s $80 in dues down the shitter, but probably just as much saved in protein supplement bars.
• My teeth are unwired, but I can’t get past the habit of clamping my jaw shut yet; I still wake up in lock down… BUT my sinuses are still f’ed, so, even though I don’t have to, I’m breathing through clamped teeth all night; I had a CT scan of the sinuses a few days ago and will go in to review the reults in about a week and a half.
• Speaking of teeth, the wires brought back a trauma of my one solitary true phobia: having a metal file or something similar touch my teeth. Just typing those words was extraordinarily hard, but if I try to speak them, I stop breathing. No sh*t. Well, the wire holding my tetth brackets together was sorat braided, so when it was unthreaded from between all of my teeth abruptly and roughly, it RIPPED chunks of enamel off from the insides of nearly ALL of my teeth. This equates with having a cavity on both sides of every tooth in your mouth, right next to the root. I found a cheap dental program at USC that provides a low cost initial consultation and free or low cost services to poor people like me, or just those looking for cheap and very good dental care. This will mean being part of their million hour early morning waiting system though… ughh.
• I can’t visit my folks, I can’t take public transportation very far, I can’t go anywhere unfamiliar without someone I know, and there’s no F’ing way you are locking me in another metal tube with no escape ever again, so I don’t know if I can ever fly somewhere again, which I used to love to do; top that off with beligerant DMV employees who want to charge me $600 to get my license back.

The list goes on, but I gotta tag along with Molly to a Hallmark audition if I want to see the outdoors today. Bye!

This entry was posted on Friday, July 8th, 2005 at 11:07 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.