The Book of Joshua P!!

(Just a quick note I wanted to add today. It’s been exactly a month since what I’m beginning to call "the incident". People are calling it my attack, or accident, and some are even telling me it’s my fault. For the latter, who like to blame the victim… I won’t feel anger for you, only sadness that you have so far to go in your life before you can enjoy it.)

First, news: the www.AntiViolence.US campaign is still going full steam ahead. Keep checking back on there to see the new, AWESOME stuff that is being given to us to raffle… comic book fans, rockers, sci-fi freaks, and anyone who likes art or electronic music will probably wet themselves over at least one thing up for grabs. We have just confirmed entries from Cleopatra records and from Sideshow Collectibles that are unbelievable, nay, when you find out what they are you will realize that are valuable enough to be considered "priceless" in the best way! The first date we have confirmed is August 21st at the Key Club, and we also have a date close to confirmation for July 7th in Seatlle. Many other cities are looking to host their own events as well in the name of AntiViolence. Please, post that URL everywhere you can.

Well, I still have braces on my teeth, which cut the living crap out of the inside of my mouth now that I can open it a little… I got the wiring taken off of my mouth!  I am so very happy about this… I went for my follow up yesterday and they said that I had healed "just enough" to take the wires that bind my jaws together off… we tried to go last week, but some guy was super high on drugs and trying to pick fights with other patients… totally crazy, but this worked out better since if we had stayed, the next follow up would have been in three weeks and they wouldn’t have taken off the wires a week ago.

Such a mouthful. Speaking of which, I still can’t eat "real" food, but I am on what is affectionately called the "mashed potato" diet. Soft old people foods that don’t require teeth and / or could be swallowed whole. My first "meal" was some udon brother and little bits of of rice and tiny pieces of Maguro / tuna sashimi, and I mean tiny ! It was a taste of heaven. Life is getting better in that aspect.

The mediocre and kind of silly news is that my voice is about an octave higher now! My old Vader-voice was too bass-y to make it through my teeth so I trained myself to talk at a higher pitch in order to be heard, something noone notices when you "talk through the grill". I am actively re-learning how to speak properly again, and also having a constant battle with re-training my jaw not to clench up. This will get better, but it’s gonna take time.

But, oh… there is horrible news. Apparently, I am going to need more surgeries than originally thought, and I’ll probably have to use nose spray every morning and night for the REST OF MY LIFE to have any semblance of normal breathing. UGHH. That’s the noise I make every day when I wake up thinking I’m suffocating.

So, on the horizon, I have a definite re-do of surgeries I had when I was younger:

Deviated Septum Repair: Had this when I was 16 or 17 and it really helped.. no it was not for cosmetic reasons, I’ve never had cosmetic surgery…(warning: grossness) My left nostril where you can see the cartilage actually passes air sorta OK, but the right one is much more resticted in airflow. This was knocked back out of wack and is in the way again. They may need to re-break my nose to do this if the parameters are too far off.

Cryo-Turbinectomy: Whatever hit my face so hard and so many times fractured my sinuses, and the internal shape of them is really messed up, and nothing can be done to fix this other than try to alleviate problems symptomatically, since I am a grown adult. A cryo-turbinectomy goes in and sorta "mines" out the sinus tissue in there to clear some sort of path for air. I had several of these when I was really young, between the ages of 6 and 10, and, with the repaired septum, was breathing FANTASTICALLY until my attack. Basically, they go in, freeze all the tissue in your sinuses cryogenically, and scrape it out. Bloody, painful, and not fun for anyone of any age. They’ll probably have to re-break my nose for this as well.

Various Orthodonture: When I was in Fourth grade, I was taught a valuable lesson about humanity. If you’re good at anything, other people will try to hurt you instead of just trying to compete nicely. I was tripped while playing basketball, and my face hit asphalt, leaving a chunk of my front tooth in a playground in Germany and misaligning a few other teeth. I had to wear a wire for a few months so the teeth would grow in straight; luckily I was young. UGGH. (again!) That same tooth was broken even more this round of being picked on along with jacking up and chipping a bunch of my other teeth, misaligning my jaw, and god knows what else. I can’t even see a dentist until I get the braces off from the Maxillofacial Surgeons at King Drew that are making sure my "face bones" are healing OK.

Who knows what other damage was done? Life is becoming a long list of referrals and appointments and consultations and generally just a sucking void of daily grinding my nose to the stone to get anything at all done. My neck really hurts still… I woke up with some sort of pinched nerve feeling in my back… My collarbone is still tender and sore… My spirit… well, who knows if that could ever be fixed? I’m afraid, and panicky, and emotionally sensitive most of the time… I have sneaky fears about what kind of therapy it’s going to take to feel normal again. Will they ask me to take drugs? i don’t want to be on Prozac or some other type thing…

Oh well… off to go fight all those neat battles that those that can speak fight.

…in the meantime, tell everyone you can about http://www.antiviolence.us/.

THANKS!!!

The day before yesterday Molly and I went and picked out an inexpensive Butsudan at the Morning Sun store on Venice, then later we went to the SGI Friendship Center down the street from there to receive our Gohonzon in a ceremony… we thought only one person could go up, so we had Molly go up to receive it. Last night, we had a group of the VIP’s of our process of going Buddhist over, to have our inaugural Daimoku for mounting it… it all sounds pretty serious, but to an outsiders perspective it went as thus:

1. A few friends arrive, including Molly’s sister, Kate. We amble about figuring out the engineering of our new edition to the home. (It should ideally be facing east, on a wall with nothing above it, with very little chance of being hit by anything.)

2. We rearrange some furniture, saw some stuff in the hallway and screw a cabinet (the Butsudan) to a board to suspend it above a table. (this is so it can be at a good height while we chant and so it will be stable.)

3. While we construct this a lot of really nice, happy people arrive. Molly and I bribe them with foodstuffs and small gifts. Light conversation is abound. Patrick Duffy is a popular topic for some reason. It’s assumed he is also Buddhist, or was at one time. Some of us wonder who Patrick Duffy is and why he offered cans of tuna to buddha. (He is an actor, who was in dire straits at some point, and he couldn’t afford much, but the sincerity of his small offerings is what truly mattered. Thoughts of the Gift of the Magi abound for me with this practice. I just know that chanting helped me live through an attempted homicide, and previously got me stuff like a G4 iBook for $15.)

4. Kool Aid is served. (Just kidding!!! The worst thing sacrificed was an orange, which I’ll probably juice in my Magic Bullet Blender tomorrow.) Actually, they all sit nicely down and make sure everyone can see the "cabinet of wonder", they get quiet.

5. The lead dude (Gary!) hits a little metal bowl and it sounds like a little gong, and he lights some candles and mumbles some stuff really loud. (Nam Myoho Renge Kyo)   Others start chanting, and the lead dude unscrolls a scroll and hangs it inside the cabinet.

6. Everybody starts mumbling stuff really loud in unison, and it sounds kinda Japanese. (excerpts from the Lotus Sutra) Most of them are reading this stuff from little books, REALLY fast. Then the lead dude gongs the bell and chants alone a second, then they all put the little books down and start chanting super fast and they hold beads. All eyes are on the neat little scroll in the cabinet with the Japanese writing on it. Bead rubbing here and there is common, some furiously rub their bead, some not so much.

7. The lead dude gongs the little bowl gong and everyone says thank you.

8. Small talk resumes. This is a cool thing that has just happened in the world of Joshua and Molly. They bribe some more guests, and serve soda and cookies.

9. Joshua and Mike play Katamari Damacy until 2:30 AM. All is well.

www.AntiViolence.US

It’s official.Please repost that URL everywhere it’ll fit. This thing is only as big as we make it!

Pardon the horrendous pun, but I like cheezy "things that make you say ‘Hmm’"…my Mom is very good at keeping me updated on my horoscope. It’s been something she’s forwarded to me for years. I guess I could hike out and get it my own damn self, but I don’t. So, the one for my "Born on Today" horoscope for my recent Birthday made me say "hmm". Yes, in fact it did.

June 7th - Born today, you are never one to make hasty judgments or to jump into a
new project without first assessing the potential for success and the
very real dangers you may encounter along the way. This is not to say
that you only do those things that are considered sure things. On the
contrary, you are known for your risk-taking — but the truth is you
like to know just exactly what it is you are getting into. You will
take what comes — but you like to have some kind of idea where you’ll
be as a result. You are the kind to enjoy self-improvement of all kinds
throughout your lifetime; you’re never one to assume that you know it
all.

Despite your rapid success in the field of your choice,
always strive to maintain close contact with those at home — friends,
family members and loved ones. You will enjoy one life-long love –
though you may not realize that this is the one until you’ve missed
your chance more than once.

Now, that’s darn tootin’ accurate.

In other notables… ANTIVIOLENCE is getting SERIOUS attention. I can’t thank enough to everyone who has already contributed, and I ask you to post the URL for that site EVERYWHERE you can! This thing is only as big as we make it. I’m not even asking you for your spare change, I’ll shake you down for it at the door of what’s lining up to be one of the best parties of the year in LA, and has global interest in follow up parties already! You may not have money, but if you can read this, you are on "teh Intarnets" and that means you can pry yourself away from "Never seen before Britney" pix long enough to re-post the link.

Man, antiviolence and Katamari Damacy (on my new mini-ish PS2!) have taken over my life. I’d probably feel bad if I could do anything more productive, but, I mean, when’s the last time you simultaneously created a star system and fund raised for charity?! Sheesh, Gandhi better watch out for my armchair ability to create AND save the world!
(’tards, that’s what we call sarcasm. I by no means want to challenge Gandhi to a round of Katamari.)

Actually, I’ve been spending a lot of time writing Thank You letters to snail mail to all the wonderful people who sent me get well cards / care packages and those who mailed me birthday stuff. Only 12,732,043 left to go! Seriously, though, I’ve gotten so much love from around the globe, it’s amazing.

on that note, anyone who wants to add me on Friendster, feel free to message me your info, or click on add friend, and copy and paste the following:
First Name: Joshuå
Last Name:  DJ Hydrogen
you gotta copy and paste, that little squiggle on the "å" is considered bad juju by the friendster people now, I think. It barks at me when I try to update my profile that they don’t like my character, hehehe.

I’ve got to try to pretend I don’t see the PS2 on the way to bed now. If any of you see that I am still logged on in an hour, feel free to tell the cops to send  the "ghetto bird" out. Quick note on "cops", by the way… the LAPD has been really great to me through all my recent trials, and it’s not even in their jurisdiction. When I went to my neighborhood council meeting, I made a small joke about "the Lord of the Vans", this guy who owns literally 20 POS vehicles on my block, most of which don’t or only slightly move of their own mechanics. Well, he was out his very next working day running plates on my block, getting stuff TOWED. THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!! GO LAPD!!!

In contrast, the Sheriffs, who supposedly are investigating my case, and are supposed to be keeping the citizens safe on the subways and busses… well, I won’t give my personal opinion… but, when I woke up and remembered a TATTOO one of my suspects had, and called my "detective" to let him know… it took him nearly a WEEK to call us back. When the MTA Sheriffs showed up after 4 days to take my initial report, they went to the wrong address, and I had to walk down 4 flights of stairs and two blocks away to find the guy who was about to leave. He then proceeded to simply reference to the report the other Sheriff had made. Sweet.

My brother Sam is the most awesome person in the entire world.  His idea is to hold a "antiviolence" charity event here in LA.

here’s the temporary page for the event.

http://dementia-design.com/antiviolence/

I am so proud of him, and I feel so honored that so many people care so much to make the world better for others.

I don’t know why birthdays are so damn important to me, but, dammit, they just are. Maybe I was taught along the way that people need, that it should be an "inalienable right", to celebrate themselves guiltlessly once in a while, that we shouldn’t have a "vanilla" existence. I don’t think it’s vanity to want to feel like everyone showed up not only because they were wanted, but because THEY wanted to be there around you. It means a lot to one’s self esteem.

Well, my brithday is officially this Tuesday, June 7th, but that day is being used up with doctor’s appointments all day, so we had a party for me at our lovely place here on "Ambassador Hill". Molly, you "beat the game"! It was definitely a success and it was really great to see everyone who came out.  Some presents were a bit too nice, and I felt a bit guilty accepting them, but I got TONS of stuff I LOVE and a few oddball things that are really fun.
Highlights from among the loot:
-a very swanky assortment of straws from my friend Lahatiel
-CCCP zip up sweatshirt
-various Target clothing
-gift certs for some of my favorite stores (this was hard, I’m a picky guy)
-myriad food items I am told were quite tasty
-an uber cool T-shirt with Ray Guns on it
-Ren N Stimpy Uncut DVD Box Set
-Paul Frank Pirate Wallet
-Magic Bullet Blender
-custom mix CD (long live the mix tape!)
-gooey food band aids
-CASH!
-Checks!
-a certificate to "Casa de Carmen" (the best Mole on Ambassador Hill & ultra exclusive seating)
-a PS2 with Katamari Damacy and Auto Modelista!… dag, once I get that hooked up, my hermitization shall be complete.

The coolest thing by far is my new fishy friend, Bel Ami "Duroy" Maupassant (lightly dubbed "the ghost of Saki Munro", who is recently deceased, to be discussed later)… Molly, I have no idea how you found a fish as spectacular as my ol’ Saki Munro, but you DID. Bel Ami is definitely the "number one gift" this year. I can’t possibly ever show you how much I appreciate this. Maybe Bel Ami should have his own Friendster profile?

Random reader, you have no idea what kind of hoops this madwoman jumps through to make me happy. For my birthday not only did she orchestrate this great party, find the replacement to the "last honest person I knew (Saki)", she also lavished me with presents galore on top of her incredible daily caretaking of me, which includes translating for me, driving me all over, making interesting dinners, and just generally being the most amazing woman ever. Check out the special strawberry cream cheese "Birthday Cake Shake" she made me! That’s pretty darn awesome.

You know, I can accept a lot of things. I’m trying my hardest to live a peaceful life, and that includes my emotions, and recent events have challenged me to work even harder to be as close to buddha-like as possible, and I don’t know how I restrain from losing my cool over things like some guy who calls himself Transitnerd and what he’s posted HERE on a major Los Angeles blog, Blogging.LA.

The genius goes so far as to try to make me feel guilt over my situation. Sorry, but I am a “recovering Catholic” as I like to say, and the first steps to me liking my life honestly were to let go of all feelings of guilt, shame, resentment, anger, etc… no one needs those.

I let a bit of the old me out, and I got angry, and replied as follows… somehow, I know I should feel bad for being so hard on TN, but, well… I can accept the karmic payback for verbally handing him his ass.

Transitnerd, this is NOT even funny. I encourage anyone with a functioning cerebral cortex to check out what groups YOU are a part of, and it’s fairly transparent where the fillings of your pockets and your accolades are from.

Unfortunately, in a public forum, everyone is allowed to speak, regardless of how self serving their agenda. If MTA loses money, status, or power, your lifestyle will be impeded. I’m sorry, but having broken few teeth, the ability to eat anything that won’t flow through a straw, and my feeling of safety as a citizen, I have a hard time finding empathy for you.

An “eternity in Metro time”?! Well, oddly enough, the first call was when my GF called them FROM THE HOSPITAL, while I was still checked in, before my jaw was wired up and was hanging loose! The FACT is that they never showed up; they didn’t even bother to call back. It’s not because we didn’t call for three days…. it’s that we couldn’t get them to call us back, never mind show up to take a statement. Again, just because it took that long to get a result does NOT imply lack of effort on our part.

Ironically, it was your willingness to blame the victim that made me have to figure out the “why” of your need to publicly tell me I was all wrong… I wonder how you speak to other victims of assault? What’s your personal statute of limitations on how soon one must call in a rape, homicide, or child abuse? Did you even consider that I COULDN’T physically speak and I STILL can’t? I have to have my GF drive me everywhere and “translate” for me because no one can understand me. I can’t even speak to my own mother on the phone without help.

You heartless, soulless, self righteous sack. At some point in time, I hope you learn to care for something bigger than your own agenda. There are other people on this planet.
Posted by Joshua P. at June 1, 2005 09:35 PM

…and to think the other night I was making allegorical comparisons of the various prophets in recorded history and Tony Robbins.

It would be nice if jerks like this guy would just leave me alone to have my mental breakdowns on the couch without reproach… I’m not even trying to be a drain on the system, I just want to do what I can to make sure this doesn’t happen to someone else, and Humpty Dumpty is gonna need some help to get put back together again.