The Book of Joshua P!!

Last night was the BEST sleep I’ve had yet since this crap all happened. I’m finding that such small things make life so much more livable… oh the incredible pleasure of breathing Afrin can bring to an imploded sinus cavity. I probably shouldn’t be using it, but it works. Other exciting footnotes include finding that a 30 cent for jar of baby food lasagna is like heaven a food processor now equates with a Porsche in my heart.

Before bed I tried shaving a bit with an electric razor (Thanks, Buddha Mike!) and found another reason to be glad I don’t really remember much, and perhaps the reason I don’t remember much… I have straight line bruises deep across the front of my neck / throat area… not like being choked out by a person, but as if my neck had been heavily compressed against a bar; at least it’s making more sense why swallowing is so hard, and my memory loss can probably be deduced to some point of lack of oxygen. This one was the hardest to get a decent picture of, but we got some good ones.

Small thoughts of anger are creeping in the more I realize that whoever did this literally wanted me dead; I’m also starting to think a lot more about why I’ve had so many face to face meetings with my own possible death in my life. I’ve been electrocuted, and somehow wired it just right so that it didn’t do me in; my lungs collapsed, but just as I was already going in for chest surgery and the surgeons were already in there; my wrist was cut open by a window, but just far enough off that it missed the artery by a millimeter or so… the list goes on. I don’t know what the hell I am here for yet, but whoever is "in charge" seems to want to keep me around, and I try not to take advantage of that anymore.

In an email yesterday I said:
"…As with anything else in this life, I am unstoppable. This is not my worst of any one feeling I’ve ever had, it will not slow me down. I remain the luckiest person I know; I have a solid foundation within and underneath me and wonderful people who love me and are there for me. I will always be better than I began, and this is just another step…"
This is the attitude I am trying really hard to maintain with this.

I woke up today with literally the worst pain I can imagine a head having. Thoughts of Marathon Man (is it safe?) kept running through my mind. I gotta chill on this codeine, I’m already developing a resistance to it I think. A new empathy in me has developed for wearers of braces and other orthodontia… and an appreciation beyond belief for little pieces of wax and orajel pain reliever.

I’m going to try to go to Huntington Gardens today. It should be nice to get out of the house and go somewhere peaceful and beautiful. Molly’s packing my liquid picnic right now; it’s amazing how much closer something like this can bring two people together, just when I thought I couldn’t love her more, she’s proving to be one of the greatest reasons to get better.

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