The Book of Joshua P!!

I really am being pushed to the edge here, god, buddha, whatever your name is…

It’s not enough that this accident has caused me to lose hundreds of dollars, faith in humanity, and made my girlfriend have to take care of me like a baby….

After I spent the night squirting spaghetti sauce from a baby dropper into the back of my mouth just past where my jaw is wired shut, did Molly and I really deserve to get BOTH of our cars keyed? Was that so funny? A reminder to clean up my neighborhood?

When I went to the DMV today, and they first didn’t understand why I didn’t want a new state ID with my eyes blacked out and I’d rather wait to get a new one, did you REALLY have to make the petulant little person behind the counter come back and tell me not only was my license suspended without me knowing it, but I’d have to shell out a couple of hundred bucks and sit in a class for 2 weeks AGAIN for something I was told was over 5 years ago?

Now, I can’t logically even try to convince Molly I’ll be OK driving around, because, not only do I not have the license with me, but it’s suspended anyway! I can’t write checks to pay my bills, because I don’t have checks. I can’t work my little one night a week cashier job because I can’t talk, and I can’t look for a new job because I can’t drive, can’t talk, and no one gets a job with two black eyes, no matter what the cause.

The wires are cutting up inside of my mouth, and hurting my teeth… BUT, the great and grand "but" of it all… I "could" use wax like people with braces use… and when I do, it helps for most of the painful spots, but just fall right out of the worst spot, at the back of my mouth on the left and right… here’s the real part where "teh Funny" kicks in: should I accept that only most of the pain will go away, and put the wax in, I can’t eat, drink or breath through my mouth… and no matter what, I can’t get to that precious Ibuprofen 1200mg that will make my head stop throbbing, unless I pound it up and put it in something; you can snort it… but wait, if it’s in something, then that something isn’t getting in past the wax!

I am so tired of feeling like a prisoner of petty circumstance.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? I feel like this is just some idiotic test I could just so easily pass, but you gotta tell me…

Do you want me to give up and quit? Because apparently the resilient, indomitable, positive attitude just isn’t to your taste… am I just too stupid to realize that my life is just one big cosmic joke? Is that why I was depressed about turning 28? Is that why I resent when people just can’t treat me like a human?

Help me understand this, because as a comedy writer, you’re right on par with the NEW SNL, and that’s really not saying much. Am I the producer that just can’t fire those who flush my dreams down the toilet?

Uggh… this isn’t productive. I refuse to accept that I deserve this, and I refuse to accept that somehow this is all my fault.

I guess I’ll just have to continue my holding pattern against the battery, grinning like a dullard, because I don’t know what else to do. I’m just tired of either the effort I put forth being useless.

"It just doesn’t get any better…" What the hell does that mean?

This entry was posted on Monday, May 23rd, 2005 at 6:23 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.