The Book of Joshua P!!

This amazing thing, this lifeform, that Antiviolence has become, how can everyone be properly thanked for all that they have done and are doing? If you feel forgotten, please, do not hold that… you may not be mentioned, but your efforts are appreciated in the hearts of all involved. A broad and general thanks wouldn’t be adequate though, so we attempt to go through in order of how we found you to thank you, starting from the very beginning.

First, and foremost, we directly thank Samuel Pfannkuche for his amazing heart, kindness, and strength to put this into action. Sam, you couldn’t possibly realize the amount of brilliance and beauty you have in you, but it’s self evident to everyone that knows you. Thank you for your amazing efforts and your ability to inspire others.

Cash donors on the site:

    People often here how much “just a little could help”, but we spend so much time doubting the cumulative efforts really matter. Without the initial cash donations to the Antiviolence site, we may never have had the financial solvency to secure the venues that we’ve used. Without the initial outpouring of support, the courage may not have been found to go knocking on doors, proposing that we have the finances to make the means happen for charity, but the wisdom to suggest the benefits of giving time, space, talent, materials, and love from the hearts of so many who have been involved.
    The wonderful people and groups that donated in this fashion were the notes that began and amplified what we envision as an opus of care for those who have had the courage in their hearts attacked. Even the smallest amount of change donated made a difference, and in the first few days you people showed us that we could make this happen on a greater scale than previously thought. Your kindness inspired others to follow suit, you led the charge.

Donating Contributors:

    “WOW! Did you see this?!” - those words have been heard so many times about the wonderful items we’ve received to use to promote these events. These things give us the finer “talking points” that really send home just how cool this thing is we’re doing. So many things! Rare, one-of-a-kind, signed things…. things we’d gladly pay for…. things we treasure…. things that help us remember how we got them, where we got them, and what we are a part of.
    Chances are, right now someone’s looking at something they won at an Antiviolence event, or listening to music they got there and/or heard live there… and chances are it’s a small reminders of the power of benevolence over aggression. These things have a hard time being reduced to just “swag” when place those kind of associations with them. By giving your goods and services to our events, you give people hope and strength they take home with them and a vehicle by which they can keep talking. You lend permanence to the cause.

Bands:

    So many ideals and themes of the world we wish to create are a part of the music we create… this is what makes us identify with the music we love, this is what drives us to be creationists, this is why people get excited and willing to pay to see bands at these events… these same fans in fact tend to be the best promotion events can muster, the words of their mouths often the more motivating sirens calling us to take action and be a part of a community event. The bands, the music, it’s our common bond, what unites and draws us together in the same place, what we recognize in the fray.
    Lessons we learn from music are so broad ranged… on the surface, we hear cognitively and rationally analyze this data into something we consciously recognize… but under the surface it’s so much more. In our subconscious the spoken lessons are embedded within us, hopefully a positive message, that we could carry with us for life. Music has that power, and you, the bands, hold the responsibility of this. In a world where so much is negative, banal, or just simply pointless, thank you for choosing to use your talents to make the world better for others.

Promoters:

    So often we don’t think of those that bring the events to us… we forget that someone had to more than just “think of it”, they dedicated their time, attention, and resources to the quintessential “making it happen”. Within every flier that is handed out, every e-mail sent, every thing posted online, every word spoken, they give that one thing we can never earn back: time. Every time they are out there hustling to make things happen instead of just sitting on their butts staring glossily at some screen, the give that one thing to us which makes them individuals: their conscious attention. Every time they stick their necks out, taking a risk on a new venture, they exercise that which is found so rarely in humans: bravery.

    Some people involved in promoting these events have been discouraged, doubted, ridiculed, and even given unfair ultimatums by those without the courage you possess to change the world. Stand tall in this and any adversity you may face in your life; I wish it weren’t true, but every hero has faced these things, and as long as you truly live, you, too, will have to overcome the fears of others as well as your own. Be proud that you are a part of Antiviolence and every positive step you take, every moment that you choose to partake in the progression of mankind. You truly make of yourselves an example to be followed by others.   

Attendees:

    No battle can be won without an “army” to carry forth the intent of the winds of change. To be sure some people just showed up to get free stuff, see a band, support their favorite DJ, or some combination thereof, which is great… it’s that enjoyment of life we look to further and also add something deeper. It does, however, still take motivation to do something beyond watching the O.C. and eating potato chips, and if our personal experiences have been any indicator of the motives of the attendees of these events, very nearly every person there has benevolence and kindness in their hearts; they are looking forward to the future that they possess and make theirs.

    The people that show up, they make the fun and the proof in numbers that we will not be silenced by apathy,that we have the formidable resolve to change our worlds around us for the better. All over the world we hear of atrocities… only by our actions do we have the ability to make a difference. Please, take that with you in your hearts daily, and look to improve the world around you, even if only in small ways, every day. By doing this we bring the strength of ourselves to the rest of the world.

Ok, so it’s been a while since I’ve posted, and this post is entirely fluff… or is it? How does someone who’s crammed so much music into their brain finally decide thay have one, just one, ultimate favorite song that they like better than any other? A song they connect with the most, one that moves them and they can listen to it repeatedly, not quite the way a teenager would, but the way an afficionado would be unable to get enough of that perfect wine?

Damn them Babyland boys are good. You must immediately go and BUY their album, "The Finger". I can’t speak highly enough of it, but if you know Babyland, that should come as no surprise.

Well, perhaps I’m a teeny bopper at heart. Maybe my mid-life crisis is early. I dunno. I just can’t hear the song "Gehry" enough.

GEHRY:
We build from experience
We go on
Because we know there’s nothing more
than wanting
a conquest
Past the bitterness
To hold on
And to know there’s something worth the
waiting

I’ve got the simplest plan
I do what I can
Set it aside
‘Cause I know what I am
And I apologize
If you can’t comprehend
You know the easiest way
To get through each day
Is adding on in the smallest of ways
I can’t wait to see
What tomorrow will bring
In your eyes…

_______________________________________________________________________

P.S. Whoah. In an ironic twist, my friend Darryl just sent me this while I was posting this… simultaneity is neat.

"When your determination changes, everything else will begin to move in
the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious,
every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself
toward your success. On the other hand, if you think "This is never
going to work out," then at that instant every cell in your being will
be deflated and give up the fight, and then everything really will move
in the direction of failure."

-President Ikeda, SGI

I’m really very happy to see that the people who were effected by Katrina are finally getting help. I may seem calous at times, but, really, I do realize the basic value of human life on a wide scale, and even chanted for these people.

Even the sociopathic animals with no sense of self preservation who were attacking others and taking advantage of an already bad situation. I have the greatest sense of empathy for THEIR victims though. I can’t abide by people trying to use their misfortune as an excuse to behave like monsters. I don’t buy it. It’s absolute bullshit.

No amount of poorness makes you steal beer first when you are supposedly starving because a natural disaster. No level of bad parenting makes you think it’s OK to forcefully take things from those who were better prepared than you. No destitute mindset, or lack thereof of a mindset, makes you take aim and fire on the brave people trying to rescue your sorry asses. They even went so far as to force the elderly and disabled out of their homes.

It infuriates me to think that there will actually be losers bragging and laughing about the shit they did while waiting for higher minded individuals to get them to behave like humans. Goddamned monsters… I speak to people I know that are from the areas effected, family and friends, and I read individual accounts of it, and, to me, it sounds like a fucking ZOMBIE MOVIE with lots of dirty water.

Here’s where my rant truly garners some substance. I’m going to close today with a first hand experience of fleeing New Orleans by a "friend of a friend" who will remain unnamed.  Read on, and you can see why "polite society" often pauses before acting.

Darren and I FINALLY made it out of the city today. We currently are in Olpalosa, LA at a friends parents home.

-C

http://www.antiviolence.us/

In just a few hours this thing begins here, in my face. It’s such a strange pensiveness, what will be surely just a few hours before the 8o’clock door opening. I guess you could view it as the "calm before the storm, but I’m ironically serene about the whole thing. Maybe I just like being part of big projects, being able to say how great it is and still remain humble since it wasn’t my brainchild. I am unendingly proud of Sam for doing this… I’m sure I’ve only seen a sliver of the toll this labor of love has taken on him… I called him earlier today, he was napping… he sounded like shit, but maybe it was just sleep grogginess. I buy lottery tickets with him in mind… I have this little daydream of financially setting those I love free to pursue happiness… Not give them everything, mind you, but the resources to make anything happen, to make things like this benefit something we can pour ourselves into without running ragged. Freelance Philanthropy if you will…

I hope we see you tonite. Bring some friends and get some goodie bags and raffle tickets.

I just had to throw this post in first today…

new happenings in my life…

Satellite is back every Saturday, and I’ve gone every week since it opened. It’s still probably my favorite club. I wish I was cool enough to DJ there. (hint hint!) I’m officially inviting you all to come with me and Molly to it next Saturday.

I’m on Zoloft during the day and Seroquel at night. It’s nice being able to sleep, but I cut the Zoloft back to half dose… feeling generically good all day without knowing why was making start to believe I was genuinely insane… way too manic for me. I only take the Seroquel when I have trouble falling asleep, not every night… they say these things aren’t habit forming, but psychological dependence can’t really be gauged, can it? I’ll just exercise conservative caution and try to put as little junk in me as possible.

I just signed with the Brass casting agency on Friday. I really like the ethic they have behind what they do. I’ve got a feeling this was a very positive step in my life…

on my way there, I stopped into the Ace gallery in Beverly Hills… they’ve got a exhibit going on right now, "High Fashion Crime Scenes" by Melanie Pullen… YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS. It’s awesome, and their curators are very friendly, I suggest you chat with them. This exhibit closes Sept. 1st, so "hop to it".

Tomorrow morning my father (Sam’s too!) goes in for a biopsy on a "lump". I’m not making any assumptions of what you pray to, but please put in a good word or thought for him. It’s really unfortunate that my folks will be missing Antiviolence, but something like this is not to be ignored, and we very much value his ongoing health, and we’re sure to do all sorts of other stuff they can come and be with us at I love you, Dad. Thanks for chanting with me today. I’m sure we’ll pull through this just fine.

Anyone seen Molly’s Del Taco commercial? That thing’s on like every hour!! She’s the nerdy smart-mouth that sasses back to "Del Taco Dan"… her line is: "What are you gonna do, put it in a museum.. of… authentic tacos?"
Congrats to her, she totally deserves to have success. I’m sure this is just the beginning for her.

Anyone want an old Mac PowerPC for free?

You may be my new friend here on friendster, but known me for a long time, or not at all… I had some bizarre penchant to make sure that everyone I recognized and had a profile of Friendster I submitted a friend request to them / you. So far this has yielded really neat results, and I’m learning the names of some people I always just said "hey you!" when I saw them out because I didn’t want to seem like a jerk because I didn’t remember their name. As with a lot of things, I may be the only one who admits it freely, but it is something we all do… though I think I’m one of the few who feel bad about it.

I guess this could be considered my first opening volley to saying thank you for giving from your heart: offering my hand in friendship. If I asked you to be my friend in error, or you don’t like me and just wanted to donate to a good cause… well, good for you. I still like you and think you are worthy of admiration, so you should therefore consider my offer of friendship in that light….

Strange… in the third grade I won the Easter Spelling Bee…. the main prize was a HUGE (well it seemed big to me) chocolate bunny and some other crap and further distancing myself from any hope of being a popular child… guess what the winning word for me was? I shit you not, the guy before me misspelled it too… it was the word "Friend"… no joke, I knew how to spell it from writing in my notebook all day "I wish I had a friend…" about 100 times.

Now don’t you feel all gooey and warm to be my friend? Yay! You’re a good human. (cue Golden Girls theme song… "thank you for being a friend….")

I got ‘em, thanks to you folks! My two front teeth are back intact (well, actually they’re partially fake, but that’s OK)… thank you especially to my brother, Sam, for being so gracious to Paypal me the money to get my teeth done. I’ll try to get this cost reimbursed as well in addition to everything else thus far so we can make Antiviolence a 100% donation to the NCVC. I go in tomorrow afternoon for more X-rays at the USC dental clinic…
<tangent> Talk about bizarre… the student assigned to do my teeth, his first name is Samuel, and his middle name is Joshua. </tangent>

I’d like to say a quick "what’s up" to DJ Hellraver of Terrorfakt, and I want to directly thank you for all your effort in the early formation of Antiviolence. As time progresses, I will try to keep in mind that much, if not all of the success of this endeavor owes responsibility to your willingness to put forth your time and knowledge for a stranger. I hope to get to pay back the kindness, and to help you in any way I can with your goals. I really enjoyed your show this past Saturday night (I wish I could have stayed to the end, but I had to get to other clubs that volunteered their flier kids to flier for Antiviolence). On that note, thanks also to Jason for mixing in the fliers with the stacks Saturday night! I’ll be sure to hit you up again sometime soon.

aaaah…. Saturday night… It was a great time, and really nice to see so many old friends there. Thanks for driving me Eric; I’m positive that a V8 powered Audi is just the thing to cheer me up! But really, I had soooo much apprehension just about being in public in general. I’m amazed I dealt as well as I did and didn’t freak out. It was my first night "out" without Molly, but luckily I always had a friend somewhere in sight…. the mental toll my assault has taken on me affects me in such strange ways. I really hope that I can truly function "alone" soon. It’d be nice to be able to go to unfamiliar places and not have heart palpitations. I don’t like this. I don’t like being afraid so often. I never had this fear in my heart before this happened… I had ignorance and naivete and what I suppose was a feeling of freedom.

Not anymore.

If I am somewhere strange alone even during the day, my heart starts racing. I can’t even imagine trying to go somewhere new entirely alone after dark. I doubt that will ever happen. At least no one is razzing me about my decision not to drink since the assault, though you never quite realize how much a part alcohol is of socializing until it becomes vitally important to your sanity that you maintain 110% alertness at all times. I’m not anti-alcohol, because then I’m disenfranchising people needlessly and just opening up more personal politics to scrutiny… The simple reality is that I’m just really scared to give anyone something that makes me more their target, as would anyone who’s been profiled in some manner and then had unfair odds set against them or outright victimization…

To all the dicks who think I should "learn karate before the next time"… your words have had some effect, pat yourself on the back. Your violent society is slowly terrorizing the individual and stripping away our feelings of safety and freedom. Terrorism in your own backyard, if you like to think of it that way.

Anyone recall a phrase, "Not in my backyard (the Nimby Syndrome)", or "namby pamby"? Somewhere in my spazzing there, I just found out they’re not really the same thing, but the both have a knack for being understood in my heart and pissing me off at the same time. Who knew?

Damn it’s late, and "I was just gettin’ to the good stuff"… G’nite, rotting beef carcasses and non-canadians.